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SUSPECT TRAIT
Hair Color
Red
At first I thought she was flying the Chinese flag over her head, but then I looked closer and it was just her hair
Blond(e)
Her head was covered in flax. Toss in some honey-nut clusters, you've got yourself a healthy breakfast
She had a mane like a lion, though it was more the color of a giraffe
One look at his hair and I thought, "This guy has more fun."
Dark
It looked like her hair was always in the shadows. Real criminal underworld material, if you ask me!
hair like cola
Hair the color of a new moon
His hair absorbed light like his pockets absorbed my money clip.
It's hard to describe his hair color. It was almost like every color at once.
Auburn
As hair goes, I'd say it was somewhere in the same athletic conference as Vanderbilt and Alabama
Grey
the most grizzled possible hair
He had the hair of someone who's been around the block, or at least of someone with a lot of dye and a need to look distinguished
Her hair was monochromatic, and I mean that in the most achromatic possible way
He had a lot more youthful energy than his hair would suggest. And let me tell you, it was pretty suggestive hair
How do I put this? She had hair like the goose most likely to sell vodka
Eye Color
Blue
He had sad eyes, going solely on the color
Brown
a hardscrabble life
He had eyes like an oxidized Granny Smith apple
Green
Smoky
When I saw him, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. They'd all migrated to his eyes
eyes being desaturated
Her eyes looked like someone had failed to prevent a forest fire
Violet
All around the mulberry bush, you'd see mulberries the color of her eyes.
eyes the color of the haze the took jimi hendrix someplace interesting
descended from roman royalty
I felt at ease with him, because his eyes represent harmony in Chinese painting
I thought she'd been punched in the eye but it turns out the color was natural, not the result of a few days of bruising
Favorite Food
Italian
I remember him saying he could eat a meal fit for a Pope. I also remember picturing an excited Pope in a bib
She said she'd tried every kind of olive from Sicily to Milan. I said it was time for a new hobby
Mexican
He stormed out when I told him I didn't have any chipotle-based hot sauce
When I asked if he played any musical instruments, he said he definitely enjoyed a good flauta
Yeah, I remember her. But I'd probably remember anyone who walked in here munching on a wheel of cotija
Chinese
hungry for more an hour later
All I remember is, he had plum sauce all over his shirt. I was... strangely jealous
She kept bringing up how much she liked bamboo shoots. Though in fairness, I'm often confused for a panda.
He was wearing one of those beer hats, but the bottles were filled with egg drop soup. That guy knew how to party.
New American
he demanded to know the recipe for my duck infused meatballs
reconstructed comfort food
oddly affectionate toward brussels sprouts
He wanted me to taste his new recipe for New England clam chowder, but I declined, since I could already smell it
She wouldn't shut up about her plans for an upscale deli sandwich truck
She disappeared after whispering her secret recipe for haute crawfish gumbo. I'll never look at a crawfish the same way again
She left as soon as I told her I didn't have any pastrami-cured tuna
Who knew there were so many ways to make a hamburger? She did.
She was ranting and raving about "deconstructed comfort food."
Vegan
he questoined my turkey sandwich, i asked him who made him the turkey boss, his reply was millions of turkeys
Personality Quirk
Stutter
When she spoke, I suggested she get out of crime and start beat-boxing for an a capella group
She told me she suffered from alalia syllabaris, though it took her a while to finish telling me that.
Paranoia
She kept talking about "shadowy forces." I told her here, we call those trees
Huh, guess you really are out to get her
He asked if I was wearing a wire. But my glasses are 1- obviously tortoiseshell.
Talks to Animals
she was a real dr dolittle
Zero Carbon Footprint
When she turned the lights off, I thought she was trying to hide her face. Turns out she was trying to offset her morning toast
When this lady had an idea, a compact fluorescent popped up over her head
the smoke that came out of his vehicle made me hungry
He rode a bicycle until he had generated enough pedal power to charge a car battery. Then he drove to the recycling center
He asked me directions to a place he could buy carbon offsets for asking directions
He kept trying to fit public water fountains with tiny hydroelectric generators
She wanted to know if I was a local. I was afraid that meant she was considering eating me
Poor Hygiene
There were some holes in her corduroys. Unless those were her legs, and the holes were dried half-and-half
Hobby
Tennis
I remember that we started talking at the same time, he said "let!", and then we started over.
He complained about the service around here, then said more people should be using topspin
She said she was working on her drop shot. But she said it in a shifty way
He was the only person I've ever met who claimed his bracelet was athletic gear
She was a real Open gal. Told me all about US, Australia, France and England
He grunted every time he swung his arms.
Needlepoint
Her hobby was out there, so out there it reached all the way to the parlors of 18th-century Colonial Williamsburg
Horticulture
He wanted to know where to buy fertilizer, though he smelled like he had plenty of it
I could tell she was digging around for something. Probably the best place to plant a row of petunias
He told me he knew of eleven secret herbs and spices that you could grow as part of a relaxing and productive pastime.
Spending five minutes around this lady got me pretty excited about planting bulbs and tubers. The excitement wore off when I looked at a potato.
Gambling
He seemed taken aback when I didn't offer him free drinks just for being here
Steam Robotics
She waxed poetic on the virtues of the fireless locomotive. I waxed the hood of my regular car and told her to go away.
Body Type
Stocky
never again will I fail to think of him when I chance to visit a rotunda
You know how birds famously have small bones? Yeah, this guy was the opposite of that
Judging from his physique, his personal trainer is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
He was built like a bowling ball. But not one you'd want to bowl with, because his arms and legs would affect the roll
he was as stout as an oak. Hey, do you think there could ever be half-tree half-men? Wait, come back!
I'm guessing that she had to buy two seats on the flight she took out of the city
Slim
Athletic
The only body image issues I could imagine her having is deciding which box of cereal should feature a photo of her body
He was a powerhouse. I bet I could have charged my cellphone if he squeezed it in his triceps.
Towering
She was huge. I'd guess her pants length is 45. And that's cuffed
Ever seen one of those clowns on stilts? He was like that, only without stilts, and not quite as terrifying
You know how some people walk around with their heads in the clouds? He did that literally.
Hunched
I told her to fix her posture, and she glared at like I was probably the thousandth person to tell her that.
Distinguishing Feature
Floppy Hat
Pet Raven
I didn't want to rattle this guy's cage, but I was pretty sure the bird he was carrying in it was dead.
I wanted to show her some footage I'd taken of the center of the planet, but she said, "No thanks, I have a corvid right here." Get it?
One look at this lady and I knew she was ravin' mad. Or mad for ravens. What's the expression again?
Fur Coat
Bodyguard
here's an important detail: she has a detail
I don't know what he thought he had to protect with that kind of hired gun. What? You say he's an international thief? Well then that makes sense
He didn't say much, and the burly guy with him said even less
Peg-Leg
I've never been caught knock on wood and he rapped his shin
The girl was tough as nails. I think I saw a few of them sticking out of her pant leg.
Transportation
Limousine
I couldn't tell if he was on the way to a heist or to the prom. Either way, those photos we took together were pretty awkward
She wouldn't get out of her car until her driver opened the door for her
Rickshaw
I couldn't believe it! He was driving next year's flagship Bajaj! I'd get one myself, but I don't need the ego massaj
Jetpack
he was built like a wrecking ball? more like an airplane!
Your suspect had her head in the clouds. Until she landed, anyway
There was such a fuss when she landed here, no one even noticed that her engine exhaust ruined my begonias. Such is the life of the begonia enthusiast
I didn't even know we had airspace until she violated it
Ice Cream Truck
Some people sell fro-yo, but after tasting hers, I'm pretty sure it was fraud-yo
She rolled down the window and told me she was experimenting with ancient gelato-making techniques. I told her she had the wrong address
The neighborhood kids loved this guy, even after their houses got burgled. Must've been some chipwich
You know how there are those popsicles with riddles printed on the stick? Her popsicles were like that, only the sticks came with PIN codes
When you catch your suspect, there'll be an entire freezer-full of bomb pops in it for you.
Skateboard
you should've seen the art she had on her deck. Seriously, it had explicitly laid out her escape plan
The way he glided around on that thing, it was like no staircase and/or railing was gonna stop him
CITY CLUES
Anchorage, USA
She seemed shaky about her destination after I told her about the Good Friday earthquake.
I don't know if this helps, but she said her favorite film of all time is "Snowriders II"
Austin, Texas
I heard he's hot on the trail of someone named "Big Bertha."
He's in a town that went by the name Waterloo. Make sure it becomes his Waterloo, okay?
He's heading somewhere along the Colorado River
Barcelona, Spain
He was trying to stowaway in one of those double-decker boats, I think they're called 'swallows.'
He was practicing his origami at the Passatge Del Temps. His came out looking like a sandwich.
Berlin, Germany
You might find him digging around for old Tangerine Dream vinyl
He was going to visit Quadriga. He muttered that Napoleon couldn't keep her - but maybe his boss would have better luck?
Bogota, Colombia
Money's tight, so you'll probably find him crashing at the Platypus Hotel.
Your friend was just in here. We were chatting about Fernando Botero - who were his influences, what he fetches at the black market, and so on.
He sent me a postcard of a painting of the Mona Lisa - but why is she so round and overweight?
Buenos Aires, Argentina
She checked out a reference book on "50 Famous Porteños." What kind of book has two languages in the title?
She said she was headed to Borges's birthplace, after first making a stop at a house of mirrors within a library within a temple within a forgotten civilization within a dream.
Cairo, Egypt
To help him pass the time on his trip, I leant him a couple of books by Naguib Mahfouz.
He told me he'll be hanging around an old coptic church.
I heard he's climbing up to a "staircase church?"
When he told me where he's going, I suggested he check out the Agricultural Museum. The "museum of bread" is a can't-miss!
He is going to meet someone at a mausoleum of a sultana, I know that much.
He told he was going to visit the remains of "The Tree of Pearls?"
Cape Town
Does he like cricket? What am I saying, who doesn't like cricket? I'll bet you'll find him at a Cobras game, trying to sneak into the good seats.
A friend of mine saw him up on Signal Hill. He was asking someone for the time when a gun went off - and he said, "Got it, thanks!"
Casablanca, Morocco
When you get there, ask Renault to round up the usual suspects.
Giza, Egypt
She was tired of the mainstream pyramids, so she went to the Cult Pyramid of Khafre.
Look at this photo she posted on Facebook. She's standing in the desert, and looks positively sphinx-like.
Keep an eye out by Queen Hetepheres' tomb, to see if she's digging around.
She wasn't clear on where she's going - she just told me she wanted to see "a really Great Pyramid."
Havana, Cuba
He mentioned he was in the middle of a Graham Greene novel. I don't know which one - I think it's about a vacuum cleaner salesman.
He mentioned he'd be hitting the used record stores, looking for Los Zafiros albums.
Heidelberg, Germany
I heard she's lurking around the campus of the oldest university in Germany.
She said something about visiting the site of a temple to Mercury?
She's meeting someone at an ampitheater on top of a holy mountain.
Ho Chi minh City, Vietnam
He's probably at the history Museum, pawing at the relics from Angkor Wat.
He's meeting someone at an old guerilla hangout.
He was just asking me where he could get good binh soup.
Johannesburg, South Africa
The city where your suspect went has such a rich, complex history - and I worry that all it's known for now is the vuvuzela.
You know, although it's a landlocked city, it sits on the source of two major rivers,the Limpopo and the Orange. What? You want to know where your suspect went? I just told you!
Look for your perp in the largest city in South Africa.
Kyoto, Japan
I heard from her just yesterday. She was going to a pavilion that was supposed to be silver, but when she got there, it was just wooden building.
Lagos, Nigeria
It was hard to hear what he was saying on his mobile, but I thought he was asking for directions to a bust of a Chief?
He was looking for a bust of Taiwo made from melted-down pennies.
Lahore, Pakistan
She's going to sneak in to a "Palace of Mirrors." Sounds a little vain to me.
She's in a fort. And I don't mean the kind you make with your pillows at the hotel.
She told me she was going to try to steal all 13 gates of the fort!
London, England
I know the big bell is the famous one, but I prefer the timbre of the four little ones beside it
It's easy to get around the city on the subway, but naturally, you should mind the gap
He might be over at Peter Pan's hospital, trying to steal candy from babies
If you have a problem of truly national importance, just knock on the door at Number 10 and see if they can give you some advice
He told me he'd be passing secret messages along the whispering gallery.
He wanted to take a rubbing of Karl Marx's tombstone.
He hoped he wouldn't run into Lucy Westenra while visiting the Circle of Lebanon.
I only know that he was headed to some old thing designed by Sir Christopher Wren.
Madrid, Spain
bolsa de comercio
Manila, Philippines
She told me she wanted to pick up some moves from the eskrimadors down in the park.
I think she was planning to stow away on a ship in the China Sea Race and escape at the finish line.
Marrakesh, Morocco
He mentioned he wanted to check out the handiwork of Abou Bekr, in the land of the sons of Kouch. I told him to send me a postcard.
He went up the mountain and over the Tizi n'Test Pass! Hurry and you could catch him - but check your brakes first.
Mexico City, Mexico
Your perp was going to stop by Hidalgo Station on the Metro, to see the section of wall where a water leak took the form of the Virgin of Guadalupe.
Moscow, Russia
You might find her checking the statue of Ivan Fyodorov for inkstains.
I told her she could leave the city on the Trans-Siberian railway, but she was worried the Trans-Siberian Orchestra would be on the train.
Nara, Japan
New Delhi, India
I gave her a place where she could lay low, but I warned her it gets crowded for the Prime Minister's speech on Independence Day
She said something about holing up in a fort with a dried-up moat
Paris, France
I overheard him planning a rendezvous: "Face west with the Statue of Liberty and wait for my ship to sail by."
He swore he'd make time to see "La Gioconda", even if it seemed a little touristy.
She mentioned she might head to the Marché aux Fleurs et Oiseaux. She said she was looking for a stoolpigeon.
Quebec, Canada
She's headed for a museum in a fire station. But that's all I caught from my eavesdropping.
She said something looking for an "ex machina?"
She's headed to the old home of the Colorado Avalanche.
Quito, Ecuador
City founded by Sebastián de Benalcázar
San Diego, USA
He might be lurking around Father Junipero Serra's first mission
Seoul, South Korea
I heard he made a faux pas when he went to the palace and if the zoo was still open.
He must be running out of money - I heard he got kicked out after trying to sleep in a noraebang in Myeongdong.
Singapore, Singapore
I told her she'd be in town for the shopping festival, so she tried to bump her flight to the shoplifting festival.
She said she was going to the "city of gold." But which one?
I heard she's going there to shop - for a month! She said it's an official city event?
Stockholm, Sweden
Word is your perp is running low on his expense account. You might find him camping out for a change, at the campgrounds in Bromma.
He wanted to find someone to pull him around town in Queen Kristina's coronation carriage.
Sydney, Australia
Here, look at the photo he left behind. What a darling harbour that is!
He must have snuck into the harbour right between the "wedding cakes"
He might be down by the water, checking out the Vampire
Tel Aviv, Israel
She was headed to a rave by the Mediterranean. I always thought you needed more than one for a rave.
She wanted somewhere to lay low for a season. So I sold her tickets to a city whose name partly translates as "Spring." Though from what I hear the Mediterranean weather's good all-year round.
She wanted to go somewhere known for its influential high-tech industry. I told her to stay away from drugs.
The Hague, Netherlands
He said he's walking around a hall in an old hunting lodge, looking fo some knights?
He's headed to some hall to hear a queen speak?
He's swinging through "the count's wood"?
Tokyo, Japan
the palace with a garden to the east of it
the castle with a family behind bulletproof glass
the fire of the long sleeves
The neighborhood he's headed to is also known as "silver mint," on account of the Shogun minting coins there in the early 17th century
