Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Mrrrr I hate it when I feel like my social life has been dragging behind lately.

It can't be helped really, I have a job which, for a change, is great!
Great job: I basically just draw all day. Exhausting at times but hey, I'm getting paid to do the one thing I've always loved doing since I could hold a pen.
Great pay: I'm finally able to give my fam enough cash when they need me to. Yay!
Great coworkers: Yesss! There's actually a workplace where I won't have to be wary from being harassed by sick perverts , power-tripping talentless superiors or backstabbing colleagues. I've always hated politics in any form. I'm too honest that way. So when someone's being passive-aggressive with me (the wusses) I call them on it. I mean, fuck, if they're gonna give me shit, they might as well own up to it, because I'm not taking shit from nobody.
Great location: one of the big reasons I get to make the most out of my salary is because I've cut down my commuting expenses (curse oil price hikes! From piso to PhP7.50 in a few years?? Syeeeeeeet!).

And um, I hardly go out much. I'm thankful for my friends who invite me to hang out, be it a ladies' night out or just plain going to the salon for a Brazilian wax. I'd probably go crazy if it weren't for them. No wait, I'm already kooky.

Ok, let's just say if it weren't for my girlfriends I'd have probably turned into a guy with one splash of cold water, ala-RanMa Saotome. Besides, when I'm ranking guy friends by putting them in two categories: those who do and those who don't try to get into my pants, I decided I need to reassess my friends roster.

It's interesting how I haven't had many female friends for so many years. It just seems easier to trust guys as friends. They won't be intimidated by you or get insecure or even get secretly pissed at you because their crush went for you instead. But I guess it really is just a phase everyone goes through.

I remember my own time when I accidentally hurt other people's feelings and such. It's really sad. I would have gladly patched things up with them, but apparently they never outgrew their flaws. Pity, really. Considering most of them are a lot older than I am, tsk tsk!

Hmmm now I know I'm isolated! I'm getting introspective! Gah. It's just that so many changes have happened. Most of them good, I admit. I feel more sure of myself now. and I hope see the world much more clearly. The past three years have been a harrowing (but learning) experience for me. So many shocking revelations.

I'm glad that a lot of things in my life are better now, I guess I'm just scared that I'm losing the good stuff of my past as well, that's all. Old friends, old habits. But I'm glad I've also lost a lot of old rubbish. Old enemies, bad juju. I once freaked out, just recently, as I think of all the changes happening around me, as well as the changes that are still coming. My roommate basically told me that change is inevitable and I have to accept it.

I already know that. I'm just wondering if I'm going the right way. I feel like I'm in limbo, when I've already achieved so much yet I know I can achieve more if only...

Feh. I just hate how I feel I could do more, but I can't because of present circumstances. I wish could hang out with my friends, but I barely have the time between work and family.

This post has been triggered when I finally have time to surf the net, and found pictures of my friends, in their big events. And I remembered how, in another time, another place, I would surely have been there with them, sharing those special times with them.

But my work schedule barely allows me time to spend with my family, and my sidelines. I think I don't even have eough time for the family, for i just spent most of my time in Laguna catching up on sleep(after drowning in my bebes' love, of course).

But I also remember what my roommate told me on that same night I freaked out. That all these changes are temporary themselves. That things will work out someday. That I will be able to do the other things I've always wanted to do. For now, and for always, I have people who love me as much as I love them. Now I know I'm not alone anymore. It's enough to help me sleep that night :)

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